Repairing a wounded friendship:
Friends are special people to have in your life. We all need someone we can confide in, have fun with and concoct crazy schemes and adventures with. But what happens when friends have a fight? This can be a really devastating experience for some relationships, especially if you have never had a fight before. Do you spend sleepless nights thinking you could be loosing your most precious friend? Regretting the words you said or didn’t say? How should you fix the friendship or should you even try to fix it? Relax ladies. We’ll get your girlfriend back for sure. But before we could do that, are you ready to forgive, apologize and wait?
Step 1: Think and Recall
When you are already calm and starting to miss your friend, think back to what really happened. Recall all the details that led to the first argument or that first silent treatment you gave or received. Ask yourself why. What statement or words made you so mad and hurt you so deeply that you had to retaliate?
Once you have all the facts recalled, write them down so you can really visualize each word and you can evaluate your feelings and your friend’s. Are you willing to apologize if it is your fault or even if it wasn’t, just to apologize for the hurtful words you’ve said? Sacrificing your pride is a sign that this person really means a lot to you and your friend will see that sacrifice.
Step 2: Find the best way to communicate
Do this step only when you are truly ready and have no second doubts or any problems with apologizing even though you might be rejected. With all the modern technology and social networks we have it is not hard to find ways to communicate with your estranged friend. Sending a note saying how are you and that you miss them would be one way to break the ice. Ask your friend if she has any time to spare for you because you want to say something important and you want to show her that she means more to you than whatever you fought about. Be sure your form of communication is reliable so she can read it and reply. If something happens in transit and she doesn’t receive your message you may immediately assume you were rejected which only worsens the situation.
Step 3: Talk
If you and your friend do find yourself face to face or talking on the phone then say all you have to say and be cautious of your words. Remember that apologies have no “BUTS”. Be sincere so she’ll be sincere to you too. One way you can lighten the mood is to say something funny relating to your fight or maybe a past joke you have both shared. Laughter releases endorphins which are neurotransmitters that attach to our brain cells and act like opium but without the side effects.
Open up about the pains you have both felt but then afterwards just laugh about them to ease the pain. Tell them you really miss spending time, talking and having fun together. When you’ve made up reassure your friend that you will always be her friend no matter what. Promise each other that you won’t be so disrespectful again and that on the next fight you will both count to a hundred before saying anything at all. That way you will be more relaxed.
Step 4: Give yourselves some space and time
Yes, things may seem back to normal but if you rush into hanging out again without allowing yourselves a chance to reflect on your mistakes then chances are history might repeat itself. Once you have both shown that you can disregard your pride for the sake of friendship your relationship will begin to mend and eventually completely heal itself.
Aside from our families, our friends influence our lives more than we think and they mean a lot to us, more than we care to admit. Remember that “A true friend is someone who thinks you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.”
~ Bernard Meltzer ~
Have you ever had a big blowout with a friend?